A dear friend recently lamented that she did not wish to be “selfish” as she discussed her desire to have her needs met within a relationship. I’ve often struggled with the word selfish as it feels so loaded with negativity. Defined by Webster, selfish means “concerned exclusively with oneself, concentrating on one’s own well-being and welfare without regard for others”. It is clear that the negative connotation of this powerful word arises from the notion of disregarding the needs and/or welfare of others. We can probably all agree that there are plenty of selfish people walking the earth. Those who behave in ways that are self-serving to the detriment of others. This post is clearly not written for them.
Chances are excellent that if you are reading this, you are not by nature a selfish person. Rather, you are more likely a kind, sensitive and generous soul. And as such, there’s a good chance that you anticipate and respond to the needs of others even before those needs are made apparent. Am I right? This is indeed a gift that many of us possess; however, it can also feel like a liability. It can divert our attention from our own needs to the needs of others. When this happens, we may slowly begin to disconnect from our Spirit and eventually reach a level of depletion where we are unrecognizable even to ourselves.
On a personal level, I know that the quality of my work as an Intuitive Channel/Medium can vary greatly depending on my own level of self care. If I ignore my needs for solitude, quiet, meditation, time in nature, dark chocolate, laughter, deep connection with others, quality food/sleep, and play I am less able to clearly and easily tune into the messages from Spirit that my clients rely on me to bring forward. The same is true for all of us, regardless of our line of work. We cannot be the type of parents to our children, professionals in our work, spouses to our partners, stewards of the earth, or caregivers to those we love if the energy we have to offer is literally the leftovers of a near-empty vessel.
I believe that with some dedication to what I call radical self care, we can make huge shifts in our lives and in the quality of our offerings to the world. If we held our own needs in higher esteem, recognizing them as vital to our mental/emotional/spiritual/physical health, then we could boost the quality and abundance of the gifts we have to share. If you had permission to be selfish, to focus on you and only you for an hour or an afternoon or a day, what would you do? Well I am giving you permission to do just that. Who would you be if all your needs were met and you were the one in charge of meeting them? Would you be powerful? Peaceful? Joyful? Loving? Fulfilled? Isn’t it worth finding out?
Stephanie Banks is a professional intuitive channel who uses her gifts to connect with all life, humans, plants, and animals.
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