A client asked to hear from a friend who transitioned at a young age. The client wanted to know if her friend knew she was going to leave early and how did it feel to transition?
You are wondering if I had a sense that this was going to be my moment. There was surprise, but no other emotion involved. Things happened quickly and unexpectedly. There was a moment where I had a choice to exit or to stay and have what would have been quite the unpleasant experience…to continue to muddle through and try to pull back together the parts of me that had been severed. Sorry for the graphic of that, but you know what I mean. In that split second of decision making the option behind curtain #1 was a lot more appealing and would allow me to touch and expand with so many others. It is a moment in time where some of us, when faced with this particular type of transition, make a choice and others make a different choice. There was some inclination that this would have been a shorter lifetime, but nothing I would have had full knowledge of. You know I was an in-the-moment kind of gal. Others came to me to tap into that gift that I had of being in the present moment.
It was like I imploded within myself. Instead of this outer body experience of going above and beyond and outward, I came in a fast moment all the way within to the deepest part of my inner being until I was nothing but a dot of energy. Can you imagine all of my expansive far-reaching energy compressing into a tiny dot that would fit on the end of a toothpick? And then full expansion and emergence (or reemergence) into that nonphysical form, non-contained form.
I like to say “non-contained” because so many times we feel the limitations of our container. We bump up against our own skin because we recognize that this is something that could not possibly hold the entire truth of who we are…this skin, this container does such a good job of keeping us together and intact…but when you become formless it is something that surpasses any explanation that can be understood. It is becoming part of a greater Whole. Part of other beings who have been waiting for you to connect, recognize them….waiting lovingly to receive you. Becoming part of a colorful and sparkly and cool breezy experience. It is something I am still working to try to explain.
Here is what I will do for you, dear friend: I will, in your dreams, paint you a picture of this because you can see in color, you understand art and texture. When you awaken, if it is your desire, you will remember and you will understand. I love you.